Choosing Joy

June 20, 2019

If I were

There are lots of ways to dance and
to spin, sometimes it just start my
feet first then my entire body, I am
spinning no one can see me but it is
happening. I am so glad to be alive,
I am so glad to be loving and loved.
Even if I were close to the finish,
even if I were at my final breath, I
would be here to take a stand, bereft
of such astonishments, but for them.

If I were a Sufi for sure I would be
one of the spinning kind.
- Mary Oliver

My husband gave me a book of Mary Oliver Poems for my birthday. We were at dinner when he gave it to me and I flipped the book open to this poem and tears started pouring down my cheeks. It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced such joy as this.

Birthday’s are always a time of reflection for me. 2019 has not been an easy start for me and it was even harder knowing I was heading into my 30s and not feeling my best. Something I realized was that I was afraid. Afraid to experience real joy again. To walk a life of Joy. A big part of what brings me true joy is creating beauty. And I’ve been afraid to really do that. What if I’m not good enough? What if people don’t care? What if I can’t do what others are doing?

As I walk into my 30s, I throw it all to the wind and say, I choose beauty. I choose joy. It’s ok if I fail. I just want to live a life full of beauty and joy.
Right Now.

We don't read and write poetry because it’s cute.
We read and write poetry because we are members
of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.
So medicine, law, business, engineering…these are noble
pursuits and nessecary to sustain life.
But poetry, beauty, romance, love…these are what we stay alive for.”
Quote from Dead Poet’s Society

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Photos by Michael Janke of the installation I did for my 30th birthday party. ♡